SEPTEMBER 2011

A customer complimented my ankle brace--suggestively.


Dear 60-something-year-old Man and Friend,

No, I actually don't want to go to the lakeside bonfire you invited me to and while it was kind of you to invite my boyfriend along (albeit probably just to see if I was available), I don't like that you suggested he go fishing while I sit alone with you around a presumably "romantic" fire.

No, I really don't want your phone number and when I said that one boyfriend was enough, that wasn't the point at which you should have encouraged me to take on another boyfriend--namely you--with the justification that I would only have to worry about the young boyfriend cheating. Sure, you were probably "just joking," but you were overtly lecherous enough for me to be able to tell that if I had agreed to get your number, you would have been totally serious.

Amused, uncomfortable, and surprised by your absurdly inappropriate boldness,
Heather ♥

P.S. I had a line waiting on you to finish shamelessly flirting, douche-bag.